Oct
The Bum on the Wall
The last time I saw Kenny, I was on my way to work. They had called me in early that day. I was walking my usual route. As I went past the park, I saw Kenny lying on the park wall. It was about 5:50 in the morning. He was waiting for the gin mill across the street to open. We waved. I made a gesture asking him if he would like to join me, but Kenny shook his head. We gave each other a knowing nod, and I continued. At the time, I was a substance abuse counselor and my place of work was a rehab. Kenny knew it. He was a full-blown alcoholic and part time park bum.
We knew each other since Kindergarten.
That incident happened well over twenty years ago. I do not know if Kenny ever did anything about himself. I have my doubts. I had let him know on a few occasions that if he ever wanted to give up the problem, I could help. Kenny never asked. He discouraged any further talk on the subject.
There are times when we see friends in distress, but we can only watch. They refuse our help. We must wait until they are ready to be helped. Talk and confrontation do nothing to hasten this. They know, and we know, and they choose to persist in self-destructive behavior.
Sometimes they ask for help, but do not count on it. More often, they continue in their way.
The only thing we can do is let them know we are there. The only message they will accept is our example. The hardest part is knowing that our best effort is not enough.
A good analogy is like a vote. On our best day, with all of our best effort and a fortunate boost of good luck, we can only provide 49%. Normally, we have much less. They always have at least 51% of the vote, so that no matter what we do, the choice remains theirs.
The hardest part is knowing there is nothing we can do until and unless they accept our help.
