Jun
Forgive or Not?
There are people who believe that forgiveness is alien to Heathenism. That is a mistake. Forgiveness is part of our everyday life. Without it, we would be mired in myriad petty disputes, spats, feuds and squabbles. The difference is in how and when we forgive.
For us, forgiveness is neither a mandate nor a spiritual principle. It is not an act. All forgiveness does is let the other fellow “off the hook.” Each of us decides whether to forgive or not. It all depends on the individual situation. Consider marriage. Marriages are the kind of thing where there is a lot of forgiving. We overlook petty differences and little slights and mistakes. Without a second thought, we forgive. There are no recriminations and no grudges. The same forgiving we give our spouses is often extended to friends. We overlook the little conflicts and slights.
In some cases, forgiveness does not come instantly. There are situations whose magnitude is such that the wrong cannot be overlooked. It must be addressed. Perhaps it can be rectified with discussion and a sincere apology on the part of the offender. In a situation where an apology is not enough, the offender might have to make amends before he can be forgiven. Before there is forgiveness, there needs to be some action to set things right. That may be repair, restitution, or some other thing.
Not all situations are forgivable. There are wrongs so severe that they forever change a situation. Repair is impossible. If there is a slight chance of reconciliation, the situation will still remain changed. If there is a chance or not, the wrong has permanently changed the relationship between wrongdoer and the victim. Wrongs of this type often break trust and cause enduring animosity.
Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. You can forgive and still choose to end a friendship. Forgiveness does not mean things have to go back to the way they were, as if nothing ever happened. All it means is that you drop your grudge and let the other fellow “off the hook.” You do not have to go back to being his friend or trusting him.
You can forgive or not forgive. The option is entirely up to you. This is not a spiritual decision. It is a practical choice based on the overall situation, the offense and the people involved. There are cases where it is reasonable to let the matter pass, and others where forgiveness would be unreasonable. The point is that you make the choice. For us, there is no religious mandate regarding forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a gift that you give to the deserving, and withhold from the unworthy. It is that simple. Give this gift with the utmost discretion.
